


Kayla Shepard--Reality

by AricaZorel



Series: The Lives of a Shepard [3]
Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Consequences, Cryogenics, Established Relationship, Eventual Romance, F/M, Getting Back Together, Jack Has Issues, Mass Effect 3, Normandy-SR2, Not Canon Compliant, Past Relationship(s), Sexual Content, Spectre Kaidan Alenko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:21:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24272731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AricaZorel/pseuds/AricaZorel
Summary: Kayla Shepard turned herself in to the Alliance after the events of the Alpha Relay. Waiting for months under house arrest for the Alliance brass to decide what to do with her, things finally come to a head when Kaidan Alenko is called to testify and the Reapers come calling. Will things ever be the same between them or will the Reapers end all hope by wiping out this cycle too?
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Series: The Lives of a Shepard [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1741258
Comments: 10
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> ***This version of Shepard was written before the demo and the game were released. All that was available were a few trailers, things we knew from ME1 and 2, and information that Bioware confirmed. That is why Kaidan is still a Staff Commander and already a Specter. This turned out to be more of a "what if" scenario than being canon but was still fun to write.***

“Kaidan, I can’t keep doing this,” Lt. Cmdr. Kayla Shepard said as she threw up her hands in frustration.

“Do what, Shepard? All I did was show up for your trial because both the defense and prosecution requested it,” Staff Cmdr. Alenko replied as he leaned against the wall in the small room they had given the Specter. It was supposedly better than a cell, but she was still under guard and might as well have been in prison.

“Then why are you here? Come to see the spectacle I’ve become or perhaps just to say I’m a traitor yet again?” she said loudly as she turned from him to the blank wall with her bed.

Kaidan did his best to remind himself that she was facing some serious charges for doing a favor for Hackett, that Anderson had purposely not told him about her before Horizon or after, and that he had been an ass to her. But facing down a pissed off Shepard was something he never thought he’d have to do. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. “Granted, my testimony made your service record and your actions aboard the SR-1 more creditable and tangible. But I may have inadvertently done more harm than good when they cross examined me. I tried to tell the truth without alluding to our past relationship.”

“Typical, Alenko, logic. Always look for the technical reasons. Never reveal your feelings until you’re caged and cornered,” Shepard said as her shoulders sagged. The message he’d sent her sounded hopeful, but now…She’d sent a reply back before they headed through the O-4 relay, but it sounded…inadequate. And now with him referring to their relationship in the past tense, maybe the one little wish she had harbored even after Horizon would not come true.

“What is that supposed to mean, Shepard? You think I wanted to be here? I knew that even if your JAG officer called me, the prosecution could use ‘ _us’_ against you. They’d claim that all of my reports before and after you died were colored because I had slept with my CO. That’s not something I wanted either of us to go through. You have enough trouble without them throwing that at you,” he replied feeling his temper starting to rise. “As for my feelings, don’t you think it took everything I had not to break you out of here and hide somewhere no one could find us?”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It sounded like he wanted her back, that he believed she was who and what she said she was. But that wasn’t possible… _I betrayed everything he believed in…_

Shepard shook her head as she balled up her hands into fists. She was going to be found guilty of some trumped-up charges and the Reapers were still coming. And the love of her life was now saying that he believed her…

“Shep, look at me,” he voice said softly. He’d grown more confident and stronger. It suited him. He was a great N7 and an amazing Specter. He was everything she had hoped he would become.

“I can’t…” she said softly, suddenly her hard won self-control gave way. Only Kaidan Alenko had ever been able to do that.

“Yes, you can, Kayla,” he said as he turned her towards him. She hadn’t realized he’d moved to stand behind her.

As she realized no one had called her by her first name since her resurrection, the tears started to flow. Everything she’d kept inside over the past year spilled over. Not even the conversation with Liara had done that. “Kaidan.”

His name was all the permission he needed to take her in his arms and kiss her gently. He wiped away the tears as he felt how vulnerable she was. As he stroked her hair and kissed away the still flowing tears, he soothed, “It’s okay. It will be okay. I…I’m here now…I won’t ever leave you again, Kayla…”

He felt her fist his dress uniform as he said the words he should have said on Horizon. “I can’t take back what I said. All I can do is say: I’m sorry and that I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

Kaidan felt her hiccup against his shoulder as she mumbled, “How can you believe me?”

“Because I love you, Kayla Shepard,” he responded without hesitation as he pushed her away from him a little. He looked down at her with his deep brown eyes and smiled.

Before she could respond, a thunderous boom sounded and then the room shook with enough violent force to throw the two Specters to the ground. Reflexively, both biotics threw up barriers as they fell to the floor and furniture collapsed around them. Kaidan made sure he covered Shepard much to her chagrin. As they cleared a way out from underneath the fallen furniture, she said, “Just because I cried doesn’t mean I suddenly can’t take care of myself.”

“And we’re back to Cmdr. Shepard,” he commented as he tried to open the door. He flashed her a grin which earned him a glare with a half grin.

“What was that? We’re not near a power station so that’s not it,” she said as she watched him struggle with the door lock. “We’re trapped aren’t we?”

“Well, technically, you’re supposed to stay in her anyway. But yes we are,” he said as he popped the access port open on the door lock and activated his omni-tool.

“Okay, nice. Well, you’re from here aren’t you? Any ideas what that could have been?” she said looking for a nice plausible solution before she thought the worst.

“The good news or the bad news?” he asked as he glanced at her. His expression told her he was worried about his parents who lived just outside the Seattle-Vancouver megacity.

“Up to you,” she said as she moved to stand beside him.

“Good news: I popped the lock; bad news: that wasn’t anything I can explain without going into territory I would rather avoid,” he said as he stood up from the door control panel.

“Kaidan, they’ll be alright. Your dad’s a decorated combat vet,” she said placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He nodded and then changed modes. A trick he had learned from her but would never admit it.

“We should scout out the building. See what _is_ going on,” he said realizing they were both unarmed. “And find some weapons…just in case.”

“You want to give _me_ a weapon?” she asked as they looked up and down the heavily damaged hall.

“Hell, yes. Now move,” Alenko ordered loudly as she grinned.

Moving to cover when possible they made their way to the closest security check point. Hacking opening the locker, they each took an assault rifle and pistol. As he attempted to secure an outside camera feed, he noticed she was still smiling at him. “What?”

“I like it when you get bossy. It’s…a turn on,” she said in a hushed tone as she covered their position, falling easily into the old battle field flirting routine.

So far they had not found another soul in the floor. They both found that strange considering who had been kept under house arrest. Suddenly, her smile faded away. “They were after me.”

It wasn’t a statement. Kaidan shook his head as he finally got a snowy outside feed. “You were one objective, but not _the_ objective.”

“What—“ Her question died in her throat as she saw the entire megacity of Seattle-Vancouver on fire. In the skies above the once majestic city, hundreds of Reapers ships rained fire down on the Earth below. It was the nightmare Shepard and a handful of others had tried desperately to avoid. Now it was reality.

Hell had literally come to Earth…


	2. Chapter 2

The two human Specters made their way quickly through the building to the lower levels. Without proper armor, Alenko had insisted on taking point. In addition, if they did run across any other Alliance personal, they wouldn’t shoot Shepard for ‘attempting to escape’ and ask questions later. Begrudgingly, Shepard followed her one-time Lt.—for the moment. They had both decided that making their way to the _Normandy_ SR-2 would be the best chance of escape.

A retreat was not something that Shepard liked. In fact she hated the very idea of it and fought the suggestion at first. But leave it to Kaidan to list all the logical reasons for it and be able to convince her it was the right thing to do. She knew he hated it as well, but it was the only sane course of action. They knew the most about the Reapers and had the most experience fighting them. From a strategic point of view it made sense. That didn’t stop the sick feeling that had developed in the Lt. Cmdr.’s stomach. The same one that had happened when she’d been forced to blow up the Alpha Relay. It wasn’t fair.

“It’s not fair…”

“What, Shepard?” Kaidan said as he looked ahead to the corridor leading to the bay housing the _Normandy_. They had run into several Alliance personal and civilians and had done their best to guide them to shelter. It was strange though that the _Normandy’s_ bay still lay intact. He thought it would have been one of the first targets, especially if Shepard really had been one herself.

Shepard glanced at him. She hadn’t realized she’d spoken out loud. Shaking her head, she replied, “I— _we_ never seem to get a break, do we?”

“Not really, but you might find it boring otherwise,” he said with a slight grin.

“Boring would involve less people dying because of me…” she said moving into a flanking position, preparing to make their run for the _Normandy_.

“Shep?” Alenko asked softly, sensing her sadness but not understanding it.

“Later, Cmdr. We need to get to the _Normandy_ …now,” she said as she used her best command voice.

Deciding pursuing it now was counterproductive, he nodded. But they would pick it up later, when they were safe. If they ever truly were again. “Agreed. Can you make sure they let us in?”

“Yes. Just use your omni-tool. They’ll ask for a passcode,” she said as she continued to look up ahead at her ship. He waited patiently for the code as she closed her eyes and exhaled. “The passcode is ‘Ash’.”

He glanced at her and nodded. Ashley Williams. She’d given her life to save to shipmates. So they would have a chance to stop Sovereign and the Reapers. If they died now that sacrifice would be in vain. And Kaidan would be damned if that happened. Ash had been a good friend and a damn fine soldier. He owed it to her memory to keep Shepard alive so they could defeat the reapers.

Setting his jaw, he took in a deep breath. It was now or never. “Let’s move.”

Both biotics threw up their own barriers as they systematically made their way down the corridor. As they alternated taking point and cover positions, they noticed the distant lack of any guards. While the SR-2 had been “procured” by the Alliance, they had studied it and even made upgrades to it. That being said, the Alliance had made a heavy investment in the ex-Cerberus ship and security around the ship was supposed to have been tight. The exact opposite was the reality of it.

Kaidan suddenly wondered if that was the result of Cerberus operatives wanting their prized ship back or indoctrinated Alliance personal leaking intel back to the Reapers. Either way, someone had gone to a lot of trouble to ensure it was easy for the Specters to reach the _Normandy_. But had they counted on him being with Shepard? Odds were probably not. But Kaidan wasn’t a betting man… That was more a Shepard thing.

As they reached the end of the corridor, they both glanced around the bay and then at each other. “It’s a trap,” they both said at the same time.

Suppressing a grin, Shepard said, “We’ll have to finger out who’s trap it is later.”

“Right. I’ll put that on my to-do list,” he said flatly as he activated his omni-tool, “Sending the passcode now.”

They waited for the beep indicating that the _Normandy_ acknowledged their request to board. Kaidan kept his left hand with weapon trained on the area surrounding the ship. Shepard watched him from the corner of his eye. _Since when did Kaidan shoot left-handed?_ She trained her own weapon in the opposite direction. _Things really had changed…_

He really wasn’t ‘ _her’_ Lt. anymore…

Suddenly, his omni-tool beeped three times bringing her back to reality. She nodded and whispered, “Show time.”

“How do you want to do this since we’re pretty sure this is a trap one way or another?” Alenko asked as he shut off his omni-tool.

“Alternating cover-fire until we get to the airlock…or we could just run for it,” she offered not sure which was actually better at this point. Direct action was what she preferred especially after being locked up for weeks.

Kaidan considered what she said for a moment and then thought how weird it was for him to be making the decisions. After a moment he said, “What the hell. Let’s do it your way. It’ll be just like old times.”

She looked at him in confusion. “Just like old times?” He grinned at her. “We’ll make a run for it.”

Shepard rolled her eyes much to the Staff Commander’s amusement. “On the count of three…”

“One.”

“Two.”

“Three.”

The two Specters sprinted toward the waiting ship, expecting the worst to happen. They made it across the open landing pad safely until Kaidan’s omni-tool beeped. A female voice said, “Shepard, I am detecting Reaper vessels en route to our position. ETA 90 seconds.”

“Well, open the hatch. We’ll just have to improvise getting up there,” she shouted as Alenko got a bad feeling.

“You aren’t going to…” The look she gave him silenced his protest. “You are.”

“Damn straight. We’re in no position to put up a fight,” she said as they both flared up their biotics.

“You first then, Cmdr.,” he said as he grabbed her in a dark energy bubble and pushed her up to the now opened hatch.

As she struggled to level herself on the platform, EDI chimed in again. “ETA 60 seconds. Weapons are hot.”

“Your turn, Cmdr.,” she called down as she wrapped him in blue energy and pulled him up. He was half way up when an explosion rocked the landing platform. Shepard used all her concentration to keep from dropping him. Kaidan helped the best he could, noticing the strain on her face. 3 years ago she would have been able to do that without any effort at all.

“Shep, let me go. I can get up there myself,” he said.

“No…”

“ETA 30 seconds…”

“Shepard, tell them to take off. I’ll be okay…”

“No. I won’t lose you. Not again. _I won’_ t!”

As the Reapers ships came into range, Kaidan suddenly found himself yanked up to the platform and the hatch locking behind them. He yelled into his comm, “Shepard is aboard. Get the hell out of here.”

“You don’t have to yell, Alenko. I do know what I’m doing,” a familiar voice called back.

“Joker?”

“Who else would Shepard have jetting her around the galaxy?”

“Right. Sorry,” Kaidan replied as he watched the Lt. Cmdr. Slide down the wall to the floor as the decon cycle started.

“Whatever,” Joker said as the comm clicked off.

Kaidan snorted. “Nice to know some things don’t change…Kayla, are you alright?”

“I’ll be fine…”

He glared at her. _Still couldn’t lie to me after everything that had happened._

“I don’t have a L3 implant anymore. It’s an L5.”

“Those are experimental…”

“Yeah, I’m still not use to it. So I overtax my biotics more easily.”

“But you trained…You know how to use your abilities. You’re one of the strongest biotics I’ve ever met.”

“You’re still stronger…”

“Maybe, but…wait. You never had time to get use to the implant. You don’t know how to compensate for the differences…”

“When would I have had time?”

“Make time Shepard or you’ll wind up doing permanent damage to yourself…”

“I can’t. The Reapers--”

“--are here. I know. But I can teach you. Maybe something good can come out of BAaT even after all these years.”

She looked at him with confusion. He was here with her. So were the Reapers. But he was offering to help her with her biotics, something neither of them had even really discussed even on the SR-1. Did he really believe her now…

“Cmdrs. Shepard and Alenko. The decon cycle is complete. We have taken off but are still being pursued by the same vessels. Joker requests to know what the _Normandy’s_ destination is,” EDI said breaking the mood.

“Have you intercepted any Alliance transmissions?”

“Yes. Ad. Hackett has ordered all surviving ships to rendezvous at a classified Alliance station,” the AI replied.

“Go there for now unless a better options presents itself,” she said as Kaidan moved to check her vitals.

“Acknowledged,” Edi replied as Alenko ran his omni-tool over her.

She looked at him critically. “You know Chakwas is aboard…and if you want my medical records to prove I am who I say I am they are in the medbay where I might add you could run a more conclusive scan.”

He continued to look at the results of his scan as he replied, “A) You’re as fidgety about medical scans as ever, B) you _have_ overtaxed your biotics, C) I don’t need a scan in medbay to know there are things _different_ about you, and D) quit trying to give me a reason to think you’re not really _my_ Cmdr. Shepard.”

She looked at him through narrowed eyes as he stood up, switching off his tool. “ _Your_ Cmdr. Shepard?”

“Yes,” he said as he extended a hand to help her up. Slowly she accepted it and he hauled her to her feet. Once up, Kaidan pulled her to his chest and added, “The more you protest the more I think it’s you.”

“Why?”

“Because you don’t let anyone in very easily…We’ve both been through hell and don’t want to chance loosing anyone again…”

“You have a way out. You always did.”

“Not this time. I learned the hard way that’s not always the best approach, especially when it comes to a former CO’s that I find myself still…”

“Come on, already…” a voice called over the comm system, “Either do it or get out. The rest of us have a ship to run.”

“ _Joker_ …” Shepard said in a warning tone. “You ease drop on me one more time mister and I will leave you for the Reapers.”

Kaidan flashed back to their almost first kiss onboard the SR-1 and closed his eyes. Suddenly his biotics flared up. The energy discharge tingled against her skin as she glanced up at the Staff Cmdr. He was deep in concentration, willing his biotics to remain under control. Shepard placed a hand on his cheek as she said, “EDI, lose this channel and don’t let Lt. Monroe _accidentally_ ease drop anymore on anyone unless he wishes bodily harm to happen to him. Shepard out.”

When the comm clicked off, she waited a minute and then said softly, “Kaidan, it wasn’t totally his fault…I should have…”

“Damn it, Shepard, if he had followed orders then you wouldn’t have had to go after his ass, and you wouldn’t have died!” he yelled as he opened his eyes. The blue hue growing in intensity around him. “He let you die because of a ship…”

His handsome features were contorted in anger, pain, and loss. She had never seen him that angry except on Horizon. Her death had scarred him deeply, almost as much as the incident with Vyrnnus and Rahna years before. No…maybe more so…

“Kaidan, please, calm down. You’re going to hurt yourself…”

“Calm down? The Reapers are here, and Joker is still pulling the same shit that led to you being killed. How am I supposed to be calm? You died, Kayla! You ordered me away and you died! And I was stupid enough to follow that order…”

“You’re not stupid. You’re a good soldier. You were following orders—"

“And you died because of it. And I was alone, again…”

Understanding suddenly dawned on the Lt. Cmdr. as his expression turned to one of desperation. He blamed himself more than anyone else… He thought he had screwed up again. That was why he had pushed himself to become an N7 and a Specter. He was trying to finish what they had started 3 years ago the only way he knew how and honor her memory at the same time. Throwing himself into his work was the only way he knew how to deal with her loss…

Shepard hit the lock on the decon chamber and looked back at Alenko, still flaring dark energy. He said quietly, “Every time I’m happy, really happy, something happens. Something terrible…”

“I’m here now…”

“You were on Horizon too and I screwed that up…”

She cocked her head as she felt an overwhelming urge to protect him, from everything. “Then we start over…”

He looked at her as she extended her hand to him. “Hello, I’m Lt. Cmdr. Kayla Shepard, Captain. of the _Normandy_ , first human Specter, Savior of the Citadel, and currently on assignment to gather as many allies as possible to fight the Reaper invasion while pissing off an equal number of enemies. Would you like to sign up?”

Alenko regarded her curiously as his biotics began to fade. “I—I’m Staff Cmdr. Kaidan Alenko, Special N7 Ops, formally of the _Normandy_ SR-1, and second human Specter…And yes I would like to sign up, ma’am.”

She smiled at him reassuringly as she moved her hand towards his. He looked down at it. It was a sign of trust between Shepard and whoever she offered it to since she didn’t do it with just anyone. But he wanted more, much more. He wanted everything, all the time they had lost back.

She looked at him confused when he didn’t take her hand. She started to ask if something was wrong when she suddenly found herself in his strong arms. The question died in her throat as his mouth claimed hers in a hungry kiss. His hands roamed hungrily over her body as he kissed her hard. Shepard found herself both aroused and scared at the intensity of his actions. His bold move had been unexpected, but she too had longed to feel him. She pulled at his dress uniform as the reality of the situation suddenly made an unwelcome return.

She suddenly moaned in pain as a stabbing headache made its presence known. Kaidan pulled away quickly as he caught her before she fell to the floor. “Kayla? What is it? _Kayla_!?”

“Migraine…Chakwas…”

“How…”

“EDI…”

“Online, Shepard,” the artificial female voice said as Kaidan picked the incapacitated Specter up. “Cmdr. Alenko if you will follow the blinking floor lights to the elevator, I can guide you to the medical bay.”

Not really a fan of AI’s but having little choice in the matter, he said, “Okay, fine. Just get me there.”

“Acknowledged,” the computer said as the doors to the airlock opened. Only Shepard could find a ship with an unshackled AI aboard that wasn’t homicidal and thought it was a member of the crew. For all Kaidan knew, it might as well have been Joker’s girlfriend…


	3. Chapter 3

Several hours later Shepard woke up to a darkened room with only the sound of bubbles in water echoing in the otherwise quiet room. She glanced over to her left through half shut eyes and saw her fish tank. The fish swimming happily in their blue aquarium. Despite the suicide ride through the O-4 relay, the tank had remained intact. The blue light was the only thing that illuminated the cabin as she wondered how she had wind up there.

The migraine was gone but a pill bottle lay on the night stand. She didn’t remember going to the medbay or how she had ended up back on the _Normandy_. The last thing she remembered clearly was being pissed off at the court taking two days to deliberate her case…

_Kaidan, I can’t keep doing this…_

He had come to visit her in her room, and she’d given into all the doubts, loneliness, and despair and just…

_The Reapers_ …They had attacked Earth. And they had fled to the _Normandy_. Retreated to fight another day…Not what she had wanted to do but what she had to do… _They would pay…The Reapers would pay—_

She sat up in the bed and wondered how far from the rendez-vous they were. She was about to ask EDI when a wave of dizziness hit her. With her legs over the side of the bed, she closed her eyes and willed the discomfort to go away. She had a mission to plan, resources to procure, and favors to call in.

Slowly she stood up, realizing she was clad only in the undergarments that she’d worn under her dress uniform. She looked to the chair beside the bed and saw her dress blues neatly laid across the back of it. No one on board aside from Chakwas would have done either of those things, except Kaidan…

Where was he?

She started to move toward the office area of the cabin, her knees felt weak. She cursed but was caught by a ball of blue energy before she could hit the deck plates. Shepard looked up to find Alenko lying on the couch, looking half asleep. Suppressing a yawn, the sentinel smiled knowingly. “You shouldn’t get up just yet. Chakwas’ orders. You aren’t needed on the bridge yet. EDI has been kind enough to remind me of that every hour.”

“So you’ve been talking to the ship? Joker’s going to get jealous,” she commented as she tried to maintain her balance without his biotic help.

He grinned at her as he slowly stood up. “It— _She’s_ not so bad once you get to know her. I guess. It just takes some getting used to…Like a lot of things…”

“Do you mean me?” she asked quietly as he come closer to her.

The blue hue around her dissipated as he extended a hand. She took it as Kaidan pulled her to him gently. “Not really. I mean you have to get used to me too. If there is even a reason to—“

Shepard narrowed her eyes as he cringed. “That did not come out right…”

“Nice to know not everything has changed…You can still put your foot in your mouth when you want to,” she said as he glared at her.

“If that’s how you really feel…” he said picking her up with his biotics, depositing her on the edge of the bed. “Then I’ll just stay over here and say nothing. I’ll just make sure you don’t hurt yourself before you get a chance to hurt the Reapers.”

The Lt. Cmdr. regarded him carefully, not knowing if he was joking or not. “Why are you in my cabin anyway?”

Kaidan crossed his arms as he stood beside the couch. “Not talking remember?”

She cocked her head as she thought of all that had happened in the past few hours. Did he really want to try to pick up where they had been forced to leave off 3 years ago?

“Kaidan, please? Why are you here?” she asked as she sat with her legs underneath her on the edge of the bed.

Alenko looked at her. She was showing more emotion than she usually did with other people. “EDI suggested that I bunk here to avoid any incidents with the crew. It seems some of them don’t like having me aboard because of what I said on Horizon…”

“I’ve been on the couch the whole time. I promise. Well, except when I put you to bed…”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“No, but I wanted to and Chakwas suggested it. And Joker said he wouldn’t have to keep an eye on me because you have a gun or rather _guns_ under your pillow,” Kaidan replied as shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, I do have several guns located around the cabin. Force of habit plus I like shiny things that shoot and/or go boom,” she admitted without shame to the other Specter.

He smiled as he remembered teasing her about her almost klepto behavior towards weaponry. “I can’t say too much. I collect tech the same way…’

“Kaidan, I—“

He held up his hand to quiet her. “You need your sleep. We’ll talk in the morning…”

“No, I need you to know that I…tried to find you after I woke up. I tried everything I could think of. Anderson and the Alliance denied me any information on you at all. Every email I sent you was returned. And then I saw you on Horizon…It had been 2 years for you, but it only seemed like a few days for me,” she confessed feeling tired but fighting to get out what she needed to before she passed out or he made her go back to sleep.

Alenko looked at her tenderly. He knew exactly what she was feeling but had been loath to admit it before now. But her need to confess and for him to understand overrode the field medic in him. He crossed the space between them in 3 steps and scooped her up in his strong arms. He kissed her forehead gently as he walked around to the side of the bed. He placed her down on the mattress, trying extremely hard not to give in to the feelings of desire that began welling up in him.

“We’ll talk in the morning, Kayla,” he said as she looked at him dejectedly. “I promise. But you need to get some sleep while you can.”

“Didn’t you hear what I said? I tried—"

“I know you tried. But…Look. We’ll talk about it after we meet up with Hackett,” he said as he looked down at her, his features suddenly serious.

“You’re still angry with me,” she commented as she leaned against the headboard. It wasn’t a question.

“No…Yes. Maybe a little,” he admitted uncomfortably as he ran a hand through his hair. “Look. I don’t want to discuss this right now.”

“I—okay but does that mean we are going to yell at each other at some point?” she said holding the blankets to her chest.

“Probably,” he said with half a grin.

“That means we are going to have a fight then,” she observed as she continued to look up at him.

“Ah, yeah,” he said softly. “But I’ve heard making up is the best part.”

Shepard studied his carefully controlled expression as she saw a glint of mischief in his dark brown eyes. “You—even with all that’s happened, you want to…”

“Yes,” Kaidan stated simply as he turned to head back to the couch. Kayla watched as he lay back down and pulled a blanket up over his chest. As he closed his eyes, she smiled to herself. Despite everything that was wrong with galaxy at the moment, against all odds there was still hope for two people who had stolen each other’s hearts.


	4. Chapter 4

Lt. Commander Kayla Shepard sat completely bored in the briefing room adjacent to Ad. Steven Hackett’s temporary office. The _Normandy_ had docked at the classified research station that morning and all that had been accomplished was more medical scans that the first human Specter didn’t want and meetings that had succeeded in pissing her off. She wanted to be out _doing_ something, not sitting in an uncomfortable chair listening to bureaucrats drone on and on about things that had _suddenly_ happened. They conveniently ignored the pink elephant sitting at the far side of the table playing with a stylus.

The writing utensil hung in the air as Ad. Hackett rolled his eyes for the fifth time. Shepard could tell the meeting was just a courtesy for the civilian officials to think they had a say. But she knew it was for show only; Hackett had made up his mind a long time ago. Regardless, the Specter also saw it as a waste of time. The longer they waited to act, the more people would die. She already had more than she cared to admit on her hands. She really did not want to add more because of stupid politics.

Kaidan Alenko sat in the chair next to her, his composure more respectful than hers. But she noticed from the corner of her eye that he wore an amused look on his face as he watched her play with the pen. She silently laughed as a male voice said, “It is unwise to trust humanity’s survival to an… _unknown_ quantity.”

The Staff Commander shook his head as the Admiral replied, “Shepard is not an unknown quantity and never has been in my book. As far, as humanity’s survival, it’s not just us that’s facing extinction. The _whole_ galaxy is, and as far as I’m concerned, Shepard and her team are our best chance.”

“Be that as it may, we believe that a trusted ‘ _asset’_ should be a liaison to the _Normandy_ during this time of crisis,” another man said curtly.

Alenko leaned toward his former CO as he whispered, “Nice to know we’re not really here…and you really shouldn’t be using your biotics as amusing as it is to watch.”

She smirked as Hackett inclined his head toward the two Specters. “I see that our ‘asset’ and ‘unknown quantity’ have become as bored with this as I have.”

Kaidan straightened up in his seat at having been caught with his hand in the cookie jar while Shepard only continued to smirk at the rest of the table. The men at the opposite end of the table flinched slightly under her unwavering gaze. Good to know she could still intimidate people with just a look, without really trying. The Commanders remained quiet as the senior military man continued, “What I suggest is that Cmdr. Alenko fulfill the liaison role you want as he was a member of the original _Normandy_ team.”

“That was not what we had in mind. He is a Specter, surely having two in the same place would be a waste of resources, sir,” yet another government lackey commented.

“Actually, I see it as a doubling of our resources as you say, doubling our chances of finding a way to defeat the Reapers and for all of us to have a future where we can continue to sit here and have pointless debates when the decision has already been made.”

“What? You have no authority!”

“This,” Hackett said pointing at his rank, “says otherwise.”

“We will not sanction this course of action…”

“Fine with me,” Shepard said loudly as she continued to play with the stylus.

“Your opinion was not asked for, Lt. Cmdr,” the man said.

“Too bad,” she said as she turned to the Ad. “I’ll accept Alenko’s assignment to _my_ ship only if _he_ agrees to it.”

Kaidan glanced at her with a look of shock only she could see. He had thought she’d protest to anyone especially him in a role of babysitter or spy aboard her ship. Quickly he composed himself as he caught a glimpse of a small grin from her. “I accept, but—“

“Good, then you will report to us regularly and make sure our orders are followed—“

“I was not finished,” he said quickly as he looked around the room. “I will accept the position, but…I am a Specter and the Reapers are a threat to all of the galaxy not just humans. My— _our_ efforts and actions will reflect that. I will report to the Alliance, to Hackett when I have something to report. So with all due respect, sirs, kiss my ass.”

With that, Kaidan rose to his feet saluted the Admiral and turned to leave the room. Shepard couldn’t help but smile as she felt pride well up inside of her. Her former Lt. turned to see if she was following, as Hackett said, “I think that about sums up this meeting. Dismissed Commanders and good luck.”

Shepard rose to her feet to follow Alenko out into the outer office. As the door shut behind her, she found him leaning against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. She regarded him curiously. He almost looked embarrassed at his outburst. She smiled at him reassuringly as she said, “Ash would have been proud. Maybe I should take you to boring tedious meetings more often.”

Alenko shook his head. “If that’s your idea of a date, I think I’ll pass.”

“You’re loss but going to a club on the Citadel doesn’t seem your style either,” she commented as he pushed off the wall. 

“You’re right. Too many people, too loud,” he said as he came toward her. “But then again we never really went on a date.”

She tried to maintain a neutral expression as he came to stand mere centimeters in front of her. “Battlefield flirting and other things I suppose don’t count…”

“No,” he replied as he leaned in closer to her. His breath was hot on her neck as he spoke into her ear. “We never really got around to a conventional relationship…”

“Sorry to disappoint you, Staff Commander,” she breathed, wondering where this was going. She suddenly had an urge to throw him on the nearby desk and have her way with him right then and there.

“I may be a hopeless romantic at heart but being with you has _never_ been disappointing…” he replied hoarsely as he caressed her shoulder. Even through her uniform, his touch still made her shiver.

“But Horizon—"

“I was an idiot on Horizon. How many times do I have to tell you that?” he asked as the door to the briefing room opened.

Kaidan pulled away as Shepard suppressed a sound of protest. He looked at her intently as Hackett emerged from the room, sounds of a heated discussion still rumbled from the room. As the door slid shut behind the Admiral, he said, “As unprofessional as that display would normally be considered, it got the point across. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, sir,” Kaidan said as he nervously rubbed the back of his neck.

_Some things don’t change…_

“Does that mean we have leave to do what is necessary, sir?” Shepard asked smirking at Alenko’s uneasiness. He glared at her as the Ad. looked them over.

“I’m actually surprised you are still here. Don’t you have a galaxy to save?” he asked standing at attention before them.

Shepard grinned and assumed the same pose. Saluting she said, “Yes, sir.”

Kaidan mimicked her motion as the Admiral said, “Try to stay out of trouble…”

Shepard nodded and turned to leave but Kaidan couldn’t help but add as he followed, “That was not what I signed on for.”

“Given the reality of the situation, do what you can, Commander,” the Ad. replied with a small smile.

“The _Normandy_ is leaving as soon as I step aboard. Are you coming or not, Alenko?” she called from down the hall.

“That’s my ride…”

As he trotted off after her, Hackett said more to himself than anyone else, “Good luck, in everything. You’re going to need it.”


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard looked around the _Normandy’s_ briefing room at what remained of her team. Some had left to pursue other ventures, but all had promised to return to aid her in the fight against the Reapers when called. It was sooner than she had planned but she was already going to need to call in those favors.

Miranda and Jacob had left the _Normandy_ shortly after the Alpha relay incident citing conflicting interests. Tali had returned to the Migrant Fleet to present evidence of the Reapers to the Admiralty Board. Samara had returned to the solitary life of a Justicar but with a new goal: prepare the Asari for the impending arrival of the Reapers. Zaeed had left as soon as returning through the O4 Relay saying he wasn’t paid to save the galaxy a second time. Thane had returned to the Citadel to spend time with his son. Legion had left to convince the rest of the Geth of the threat the Reapers posed. Very few members of the crew had opted to remain with Cerberus instead of following Alliance directives. Most had stayed with Shepard.

Mordin, Garrus, Kasumi, Grunt, and Jack had remained aboard the SR-2. Each except for Garrus and Grunt claimed to be staying until a better opportunity presented itself. Then there was Kaidan. Shepard knew he could fulfill his role as liaison just fine. But the crew accepting him was what troubled her. The crew was extremely loyal to her. She knew that. And anything said against her was taken personally by the crew. _That_ was the problem…

“Can I _not_ be XO now?” the Turian asked as he stood across from Shepard. He’d filled in for the position Miranda had vacated because she trusted him and because of his previous military service.

“Why? I thought you liked being first officer. You get to order others around,” the Lt. Cmdr. said as she crossed her arms.

“That is a nice perk, but I thought since Alenko finally decided to join out little party that he might be better suited for the job…” the former C-Sec officer offered.

Kaidan shifted slightly from his position against the wall. Only Shepard and Garrus caught on to his visible discomfort. Kayla shook her head. “Cmdr. Alenko is here as an Alliance Liaison. That is his primary duty. However, since we are short on several positions, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind pitching in with tech or maybe away mission deployment.”

“Are you sure, Shepard?” Vakarian asked. “This is a _human_ vessel.”

“I’m sure the Alliance and others see it that way, but this is _my_ team, _my_ crew and you may have noticed not everyone here is human. You as XO is great PR, especially now.”

“Interspecies crew and officers. Good for morale. Brings differing viewpoints. Also increases access to skill sets and resources,” Mordin added quickly as Alenko eyed the Salarian with interest.

“See, the Prof. approves. So Garrus stays XO for now,” Shepard hoping she wouldn’t need to give any further explanations.

Kasumi ever looking for an angle to exploit for profit or fun asked, “So why are the rest of us here if you have your man back?”

Kaidan turned visibly red as Kayla rolled her eyes. “Focus, Kasumi.”

“Oh, I am, Shep. Just wondering…”

“If we could get back to the matter at hand…since some personal decided to leave, holes need to be filled. You all have skills both specialized and general. I want ideas on how you can help pick up the slack or if there are easier ways to get things done. I also want you to start looking outside the box for any intel we can get on the Reapers. Any contacts, favors, whatever.”

She paused a moment as she stared at Kaidan, their eyes locking. Taking a breath she almost hesitated, “I can’t do this alone. Everyone seems to think only Cmdr. Shepard stopped Sovereign and killed Saren. That only I stopped the Collectors. We all know that’s not true. We all helped defeat Harbinger. And an interspecies fleet took out Sovereign. As for Saren, the media claimed I killed him. I took the credit at the request of the one who really did it.”

With a small grin she motioned toward Kaidan. “The man who took down Saren was actually Cmdr. Alenko.”

As the others murmured Kaidan shook his head. While Garrus gave the Turian form of a smirk. He’d get her back, she was sure. But after the rest of the crew got wind of it maybe things would go easier for him.

After a few moments she added, “Each of you will be tasked with certain responsibilities as we search for intel on ways to defeat the Reapers. This is too big for me to coordinate alone. I trust each of you to do your best or you wouldn’t be here.”

“So, what about your liaison? Is he just another Alliance lackey with a stick up his ass or is he your liaison _toy_?” Jack asked as she sized Kaidan up.

“That is _none_ of your business, Jack,” Kayla said firmly.

“I’d like to know where I stand with people if you haven’t noticed. So what is—"

“I told you what his role is aboard the _Normandy_ already,” Shepard said as she took a step forward. “But if you mean personally that really is none of your concern.”

“Whatever, Shepard. After your fight on Horizon I figured you’d want to toss him out an airlock, but he’s really well built. Maybe I could show him a thing or two and then toss him out the airlock for you.”

“I doubt you could handle Cmdr. Alenko biotically…or in bed—"

Kaidan turned a brilliant shade of red as the other watched the exchange. “Watch it, Shepard. I can snap your neck if I wanted to—"

Jack’s biotics flared to life as a blue energy sphere gathered in her hand.

“You can try, but threatening me won’t do anyone any good—"

“Who’s threatening?” she said as Shepard formed a barrier around herself.

“Oh please, Shepard! I’m stronger than you and you know it. And there ain’t nothing you can do about it, especially since the little suicide mission is over. Maybe I should be Captain…”

Suddenly Shepard was lifted above the floor. Jack smiled. “See? Who’s the lackey bitch now?”

“Put her down now,” Kaidan ordered calmly as his biotics flared.

“Oh, please. You’re an L2. How can you—"

Suddenly Jack flew back against the wall as Shepard fell to the ground. The psychotic L5 looked in surprise to see Kaidan engulfed in some the brightest biotic energy she’d ever seen. He held her in a choke hold as she cursed and struggled.

Kaidan’s face turned deathly serious as he said, “Touch her again, come near her again, or even look at her the wrong way and next time I snap your neck.”

She protested again until he applied just a little more pressure to make her pass out. He lowered her to the floor as he shut down his biotics. “If there’s a brig put her in it. Tell Chakwas to keep her sedated until she can be dealt with. This mission is too important for her shit.”

Grunt picked up Jack and threw her over his shoulder as Garrus said, “Sounds like a plan. We’ll head out to Omega for supplies and intel. We’ll start preparation for the rest of our little trip just like Shepard said.”

Kaidan nodded as the XO ushered everyone out. Kasumi was the last to go as she watched him walk over to Shepard. “The mission or Shep is too important?”

He looked at the master thief. “Officially the mission. Personally, Shepard. _Always_ Shepard.”

Goto smiled. “Shep did find herself a smart man after all.”

As the doors slid shut behind her, Alenko knelt down beside the vanguard. He looked to the Captain of the _Normandy_ who leaned against the table holding her head in her hand. She looked rattled and a little embarrassed. She refused to meet his gaze as he placed a hand lightly on her knee.

“Are you okay?” he asked cautiously. He braced for the white lie she would tell and then he’d catch her…

“No.”

“No? What’s wrong? Is anything broken?” he asked, quickly activating his omni-tool.

“No, Kaidan. Just my pride,” she said dejectedly. “I should have known Jack would turn on me sooner or later—"

“We’ll deal with her later but are you sure—"

“Yes. I’m fine. Quit mother henning me,” she snapped as she rose to her feet.

“I am not ‘mother henning’ you. But you had to use your biotics—"

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not—"

“Alenko, leave me alone!” she yelled as she stalked out of the comm room through the tech lab to the elevators. He was on her heels the whole way.

He hissed in a lower tone, “ _No_ , you aren’t okay, and I won’t leave you alone.”

As the elevator arrived she tried to close the door before he could get on. But efficient Cerberus elevators wait until all parties are aboard before closing the doors. Shepard let out a string of curses as Alenko replied with one of his own. When the elevator doors closed behind them, Garrus issued a ship-wide advisory to stay clear of the Captain’s Cabin until further notice.

The Turian shook his head as he realized how glad he was not to have ever had an interest in females of other species. They give the impression to be more volatile than Turian females or so it seemed.

Poor Kaidan… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***This version of Jack is based on what could happen to her if Shepard did not take the time in ME2 to befriend her. This was also written well before we knew what kind of character she would be in ME3. Personally, I like the story arc Jack had from ME2 to ME3. Becoming a teacher at Grissom Academy and then asking Shepard to keep HER kids as support speaks volumes about how far she has come. She even runs into Shepard in Purgatory while she's going over her kids' assignments in a bar. ME2 Jack would never had done that if Shepard didn't befriend her. In my playthroughs, Jack has a much more optimistic fate.***


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard rode the elevator to her cabin in silence. She refused to meet Kaidan’s intense stare. He had never moved his eyes from her, never uttered a word. She was sure he was waiting until they were well and truly alone. A fight. That was what was going to happen. The fight she had wanted to avoid for as long as possible.

Even though she had told him to back off, she knew he was right. Using her biotics at all, even for the smallest thing was more than she could afford. Even the floating stylus from the previous day had taken more out of her than it should have. And Kaidan, ever observant, protective Kaidan had caught on to it the first time it had bothered her. But did he really have to keep reminding her about it? Yes, he would. That was just how he was. At least he did it quietly so she could still maintain the façade of the invincible Commander Shepard to some degree.

But now, he was annoyed, boarding on frustrated. Next would be angry and then pissed. She only hoped that their expected fight wouldn’t ruin the fragile relationship they had built over the last few days. But like every other good thing in her life, there was always a doubt that it wouldn’t last.

Shepard entered the cabin first and moved to stand at the top of the steps waiting for the battle to begin. She kept her back to the office area as she heard the door slide shut and familiar footsteps come to a stop a few feet behind her. His breathing was calm and even, but she’d bet that his expression was anything but. Both were stubborn, standing in silence, waiting for the other to make the first move.

Their standoff lasted several minutes until Kaidan finally said calmly, “Say something, Shepard.”

“What do you want me to say?” she said evenly. She was proud of herself for that even though in the next few minutes she would probably lose her temper.

“Shepard, you know what I mean,” he said.

“Do I? You said the other night you didn’t want to talk. Now you do but you want me to start. Pardon me but that’s a far cry from when you wanted to talk last,” she said glancing over her shoulder at him.

His expression faltered for just a second, showing that the statement had indeed hurt. She couldn’t help but feel a little better that he felt the same way she had about Horizon. It was petty she knew but after everything she couldn’t help it.

“That’s not fair, Shepard. And you know it,” he said, frustrating creeping into his voice even though their fight really hadn’t begun yet.

“ _Fair_? You want to talk about fair? I _died_ , Kaidan. I left everything, everyone I loved behind. They—you had two years to deal with my death and I know that…scarred you, but I woke up _alone_ on a Cerberus lab station in the middle of a fight. I woke up fighting and haven’t been able to stop since. I found out that everything I had worked to build was destroyed and the people I thought could carry on if anything happened to me were treated like they were crazy. And then the love of my life finds out I’m alive, doesn’t give me a chance to explain, and calls me a traitor. The one person I thought would give me a chance didn’t and now he’s here telling me I’m not being fair. Well, sorry, Cmdr. Alenko. I never wanted to die on you. I only wanted to protect you.”

Kaidan waited patiently for her to conclude her outburst as he gathered his thoughts. She was right but so was he. The universe seemed to have conspired against them. But could they fix it? “You asked me how I had been. How do you think I had been with you dead for two years, everything we’d done covered up, and you with Cerberus? It hurt, Shepard, seeing you, but knowing I couldn’t follow you.”

She turned all the way to face him. “Why…why didn’t you let me explain to you? I wanted to tell you everything. I wanted to see. It was my first thought when I woke up. I wondered if you were okay. If you had made to off the _Normandy_ okay. It wasn’t until half way off that damn station that I found out it was 2 years later…I wasn’t sure…”

“You were supposed to be dead and you were with Cerberus. What was I supposed to think, Shep? I heard rumors but Anderson denied their validity. I…I…”

“Maybe give me a chance to prove myself instead of accusing me of things you weren’t sure about—"

“ _Cerberus_ , Shepard. I’m pretty sure I know where I stand with them.”

“Then you really won’t like the fact that they knew you were on Horizon and that I’d go there because of you. I had to save the colony if I could, but I’d be doubly motivated to save you. They knew that and they used you against me. I—"

“You knew I was there? Why didn’t you try to get a message to me to warn me? I could have put the colony on alert!”

“We didn’t know Horizon was going to be hit until the colony went dark—"

“Bastard,” he muttered turning his eyes towards the oversized fish tank.

“If that’s the way you really feel about me…”

“What?” he said whipping his head back to her direction.

“Maybe this— _us_ was a bad idea. Maybe we can’t pick up where we were forced to leave off—"

“Damn you, Shepard. You’ll walk through hell to save the galaxy or a complete stranger, but you’re scared to fight for us!”

“I am not. You—"

“Yes, you are! Admit it. You’re scared to try again. To be happy because I know I made you happy. I saw it in your eyes every time we were together. You deserve to be happy and I want that back. I want you back. I _need_ you.”

“Kaidan, I’m not the same. Cerberus had to—"

“I know and it doesn’t matter. You’re still Kayla Shepard—"

“I’m not who I was three years ago! Everything’s changed except for the fact no one can get anything done without me to do their dirty work. If everything works out, everyone’s my friend. If it all goes to shit, then everyone abandons ship and leaves me for the wolves. Why should I get to be happy? No one cares what I want. Not anymore.”

“Bullshit, Shepard! Garrus, Tali, and Liara and Joker care about you. I care about you! That’s what I’m trying to get you to understand.”

“Then why did you walk away from me?”

“Because I was a stubborn idiot. Because I was angry and hurt and really screwed things up. I wish I could change it, but I can’t. But damn it, Kayla, I need you and I think you need me just as much.”

“How can you stand there and say all those things? Everything has changed. I still have to be the invincible Commander Shepard. I don’t get to be happy…No one—no one’s cared what I wanted or believed that I’m not just Cmdr. Shepard. No one knows me, _really_ knows _me_.”

The N7 trailed off, looking at him sadly before she added quietly, “No one knows Kayla. No one’s called me that since I woke up except you…”

“I’m standing right here, _Kayla_ , and the Reapers themselves couldn’t pull me away. Not this time. I know this is hard…for both of us. But we are worth it. I’m not whole without you. I know you, the _real_ you.”

She was silent for a long time as he waited for her to take in what he had said. Even though their tempers had flared Alenko was sure that she wanted things to work out as much as he did. The question was: would her own pride let her admit she needed him as much as he needed her?

“Kaid…”

It was a simple nickname she had called him aboard the Sr-1 whenever they had been able to be alone. Her voice betrayed to the sentinel just how vulnerable she really was and just how alone she had been since her resurrection. Any anger he felt toward her dissolved as he closed the distance between them. He pulled her into his strong arms and kissed her forehead. He stroked her hair as she finally let out all the pent-up frustration, sadness, and loneliness. She sobbed into his shoulder as he whispered soothing words to her _. “It will be okay. I’m here. I won’t leave you. Everything will be alright. We’re together now. It will be okay.”_

He repeated the mantra until he felt the sobs lessen and then her breathing become even. After several long moments he realized she had fallen asleep against his shoulder. He smiled down at her as he carefully picked her up in his arms and carried her over to the bed. He laid her down and debated whether to join her or not. Taking both of their boots off, he decided spooning up to her would be an acceptable compromise. He covered her with the sheet as he lay on top of it. The comforter he threw over both of them. With the sheet separating them, she couldn’t accuse him of trying anything if she awoke and forgot what had happened the night before. Soon afterward, Kaidan felt sleep claim him as he felt whole for the first time in over two years.


	7. Chapter 7

Kaidan woke in the middle of the night to find Shepard asleep against his chest, the blankets thrown off the bed. Her arm lay across his chest while her leg had hooked itself around his. It seemed as if even in her sleep she was afraid he would disappear. He smiled and kissed her forehead. He had dreamed about waking up to find her next to him. It was surreal.

But the Reapers where still out there and they had only started their journey to defeat them. Despite the urgency of their situation, things aboard the ship had to be dealt with. The hostility towards him was one thing. Shepard’s need to overcome her biotic ‘handicap’ was another. Then there was Jack. Kayla had started dealing with the attitude towards him with her usual tact: threaten Alenko in any way that interfered with the operations of the ship and you were toast. Any other problems he and the crew would have to work out on their own. As for her biotic problem, she had begrudgingly agreed to his proposition. She still wasn’t sure his help would do any good, but she would try it.

_Jack_ …Jack was a new problem he hadn’t anticipated.

The powerful L5 was unstable and believed that since the mission through the O4 Relay was concluded she could do anything she wanted. Shepard had once told him of her proposition for being her first mate and turning the _Normandy_ into a pirate ship. Kaidan knew she had needed all the help she could get to defeat the Collectors and the second Reaper, but everything about Jack rubbed him the wrong way. She had no moral core at all. Anything she wanted, she took. What she couldn’t have she destroyed. And now Shepard stood in her way. He understood that the Specter believed in the old adage: keep your friends close but your enemies closer. But Jack was way too close for his comfort.

In that moment, he came to a decision. Shepard would surely yell at him for it and probably threaten to kick him off the SR-2. His desire to protect him won out and he’d deal with the consequences later. Carefully, he untangled himself from the sleeping commander and threw on his boots. Dressed in his basic blues, he made his way to the medical bay. It was the only humane thing he could think of. Being an L2, he knew the risks associated with biotics all too well. Jack wasn’t unstable because of her power though. She was like that because of what Cerberus had done to her as a child and she chose not to do anything positive or constructive about it. She chose to remain an insolent child who refused to recognize when people were trying to help her be a better person. Shepard had been that person and the biotic bitch had thrown it all back in her face.

As the elevator doors opened, Alenko looked over at the medbay to see Dr. Chakwas still at her desk, reading a real book. He made his way over to the medical facility as he wished there was a better way. Maybe after the Reapers were defeated there would be, but for now this would have to do. To protect Shepard he would chance her wraith. As long as she was safe she could be as mad as she wanted at him.

As long as she were alive. That was what matter to the Staff Commander. Her life.

^^^^^^^

Jack was conscious enough in the brig to realize someone was there with her. All those years of cramped cells and running had left her hypersensitive to knowing when she was being watched. But the L2 bastard had insisted that the Doctor keep her sedated and bound by heavy restraints. Of course he would knew how to confine her, being a biotic himself. Traitor to his own kind. But he was Shepard’s boy toy whether either of them would admit it or not. Somehow, the L5 always thought Shepard would go for the quiet type, the polar opposite of her. _Whatever…_

“What do you want, jackass?” she wheezed out defiantly.

Alenko stood at the door to the brig, arms crossed. “You are too much of a threat to this mission and to Shepard with your temper tantrums. I won’t let you endanger this mission, this ship, or her. To that end, you are being placed in cryo until a better method of incarceration can be devised.”

“Nothing new. The Purgatory did the same thing. People always want to hide what they don’t understand,” she spat out gruffly.

“ _Understand_? Why don’t you try to understand that just because you’re a biotic doesn’t mean you have to be apart from people? Shepard practically held out an olive branch to you and you throw it back in her face. She actually considered you a friend. Hell, she probably still does. But that’s Shepard for you,” Kaidan said with a wry smile.

“So what? I’m supposed to be a whiny pussy like you? Doing whatever I’m told?”

“Well, first off, you could try making what most of us like to call adult choices instead of acting like a problem child. Second, you could show a little gratitude for Shepard sticking her neck out for you. Third, you could learn when to shut the hell up,” he said evenly.

“Right. I’ll get right on that. And then the next group to come along and dissect me and find out what makes me tick. Thanks but no thanks.”

“Despite the fact I do not like you at all, that won’t happen. You are going to be transferred to a safe location where only I, Shepard, and a trusted friend of ours will know where you are.”

“Friend? Highly overrated. Bed buddies? Now that is something I think Shepard could use. Maybe that’s why she keeps you around. Granted Taylor thought he had a chance with her once. The Drell liked to look too. Hell, even that Yeoman chic seemed to want to evaluate Shepard’s private parts. They would have probably been better choices than you…”

“Good night, Jack,” Kaidan said simply as he pushed the button to begin the cryo cycle. She would never understand what it was like to love someone and want to protect them above all reason. He shook his head as the brig door closed behind him, cutting off Jack’s lasts words which were of course curses.

The Specter rested his forehead against the wall across from the brig. One problem solved. Thousands more to go.

Shepard would have words with him about acting against Jack without talking to her first. _One battle at a time, Alenko_ , he told himself. He took a breath and then realized he hadn’t eaten since lunch the previous day.

“Some Specter I am. I can’t even remember to eat when I’m supposed to,” he said as he headed back towards the elevator. He knew it had needed to be done. Kaidan just wished that Jack could have been made to see reason.

“Your course of action was the most efficient and logical one, Cmdr. Alenko,” EDI said over the comm system.

Kaidan sighed. _Just what I need encouragement from an unshackled AI_. “That’s not exactly what I was going for EDI.”

“Then as I believe Shepard would say, it was the most humane resolution,” she said.

The sentinel actually found himself smiling as the elevator car arrived. “That is more along the lines of what I was shooting for.”

“Noted, Cmdr. Alenko. Query: Do you regret having to put Jack in cryo?”

“Yes, I do, EDI, because the reality of the situation is if I ever become an unstable L2 I’d hate for Shepard to have to do to me what I just did to Jack.”


	8. Chapter 8

Shepard woke up to an empty bed. She sat up slowly, quickly scanning the rest of the cabin for any signs of Kaidan. Nothing. Not even sounds from the bathroom. Where was he?

She smiled when she saw her boots neatly put away where they were supposed to be rather than haphazardly thrown across the floor. He was still the same neat freak over 2 years later…

She quickly changed into some fresh BDUs as she asked, “EDI, where is Staff Cmdr. Alenko and just what time is it?”

“It is 0331 hours and Cmdr. Alenko is in the mess,” the AI replied.

“The mess?” she echoed. Kaidan only went for late night snacks when something was bothering him. Was the small breakthrough in their relationship earlier already bothering him or was it something else? She sighed and realized she had missed dinner as well.

As she left her quarters, Shepard asked, “Does he…is he alright?”

“His life signs are within normal parameters. As for his emotional state, I can only offer conjecture,” EDI said as the elevator doors closed behind the Specter.

“EDI, what is wrong with him?”

“I believe the Cmdr. would rather tell you himself. All I believe is acceptable to say on his behalf is that his wishes there had been another way.”

Shepard’s heart stopped for half a second. What if he did regret telling her…What if he had decided she really was a monster…or too broken to fix? What if she were too much trouble to mess with? She took a breath and then said to the smart computer, “Is anyone else near the mess deck?”

“No. And I will inform Jeff that you would like to talk to Cmdr. Alenko uninterrupted.”

“Thanks EDI.”

“You are welcome,” the AI said.

As the comm clicked off, the car doors opened. She quickly stepped off and waited for several long moments. Gathering her strength and courage, she suddenly realized how much harder it was for her to have a relationship with a really great guy versus fighting a Reaper. Sometimes she would rather fight the Reaper. Horizon had been a good example.

Sighing, she realized she was stalling, and nothing would get accomplished by worrying. It could be nothing, or at least nothing to do with what she was fretting over. Tapping into some of that legendary invincible Commander Shepard aura/strength, Kayla made her way from the corridor around to the open area of the mess area. It was larger and more open than the one from the original _Normandy_ , not to mention brighter. In some ways she missed the more intimate mess of the SR-1 but the new one had grown on her.

As she rounded the corner, she saw Kaidan sitting at one of the tables picking at a sandwich he had thrown together. Rupert would not be pleased when he reported for duty in the morning and found someone had yet again gone through “his” kitchen without permission. Shepard smiled to herself as she realized even though many things had changed many had stayed the same. Kaidan was no different. If EDI said there was something bothering the Cmdr. and he was in the mess eating at 3:30 in the morning, then he was still the same. He had done something that needed to be done but did not relish having had to do it. He would wait for her to support his decision or chastise him for it. Either way, it was done, and they both knew it. Many times he worried over her reaction just as much as the action itself.

_Just like I’m doing…_

“Commander?” she called from behind him, startling him.

He choked on the piece of turkey sandwich he had just chewed as he turned to her. She crossed her arms over her chest as he beat on his chest with a fist. Coughing several times, he glared at her as she smirked at him. Once he’d regained his breath, he snapped, “Don’t do that to a guy when he’s eating.”

“A guy or just you? You biotics are so excitable around food,” she retorted as she moved to stand beside his chair.

“’You biotics’ includes you, Cmdr. Shepard,” he commented as she continued to grin at him.

“I know, but you always eat more than me,” she said as she peered around his shoulder at his plate. “It looks like you still do.”

“Well, I do when you don’t eat anything. Which is not good for your biotics. You should be eating what Chakwas tells you to and don’t skip meals. You need your strength to help get your biotics balanced again,” he said critically looking up at her.

“That’s different. A guy thinking a girl not eating is bad and that eating more is good. How did such a unique guy stay off the radar?” she teased as he rose to his feet.

“Practice and a strong desire to stay single,” he replied as he moved to the kitchen area.

“Why would—What are you doing?”

“Fixing you something to eat.”

“You don’t need to—"

“I know. But I’d like to see if I remember what you’ll eat.”

“Kaidan, you don’t…I mean just because…ah, you’re going to do it anyway so what’s the point?” she said throwing her hands up in defeat.

He smiled at her as he pulled out the things to make a ham sandwich. He said nothing as she watched him in silence. Finally he handed her a plate with a very plain ham sandwich. “Mayo only, nothing else, right?”

She looked at him blankly for a moment and let a small smile spread across her face. “Right. Thank you.”

Shepard took the plate from him as he grabbed two ice teas from the frig. They walked back to the table in silence. They sat down and began eating again still in silence. Kaidan would look at her and then away. Shepard did the same. If a third party had been watching the silent exchange, they would have thought it funny. As the awkward silence continued, Kaidan finally asked, “You were going to ask me something before you asked what I was doing. ‘Why would.’ That’s what you said. So why would I _what_?”

She looked at the sleeper pods across the room, the trash cans, the medbay, anything but him. Finally she said, “Why would you want to stay single? I was dead or at the very least ‘gone for reason X’. Why not try to meet someone new?”

He looked at her with a haunted expression for half a second. Quickly recovering his composure, he said, “I didn’t want anyone else. There is no one else like you…How could there be?”

She blinked at him in shocked surprise. “I—I…The night before Ilos…You said you didn’t know what you’d do if anything ever happened to me…I was always worried that you’d become lost if I died. I—I never had anyone care about me that much in that way…It scared me…It still does…I know it was hell for you, but I’m proud of what you accomplished without me. You became the first L2 N7 and the second human Specter. You became everything I hoped you would be, even without me.”

“Kayla, I did it all _for_ you, _because_ of you. But I wanted you back the whole time. But I couldn’t so I did the only thing I could to honor your memory and your sacrifice. I tried to do what you would have done, but I couldn’t.”

“Kaidan, you did more than anyone thought possible. You did what you could. Just like I did what I could. Don’t belittle your own accomplishments because of me. You’ve done great things in your own right. And I can only love you more for them.”

“You still love me?”

“Well, yeah. I don’t say things I don’t mean. You may have noticed that…”

He got a nervous grin on his face and rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand. “I seem to remember that.”

“And I remember you doing that when you’re nervous and snacking in the middle of the night when something was bothering you,” she observed as he meet her gaze.

He let out breath and began, “I know this is your ship and your rules. I know that I am here in the official capacity of liaison to the Alliance. Any other roles I might take on are at your discretion. But with all due ma’am, there is one responsibility I take personally with or without your permission.”

She narrowed her eyes both at his sudden switch to Commander-mode and his all due respect reference. Ash would have been proud. “And that would be what exactly?”

“Your safety. You are important to many people for many reasons. Many people consider you the key to defeating the Reapers. And while all that may be true, I know you, the _real_ you. And you’ll sacrifice yourself all over again to see the galaxy and everyone you care about remains safe. But I don’t…I can’t lose you again. Not again. I won’t. That’s why—“

He looked away from her as he balled up his fists. She regarded him with concern as he wrestled with what exactly to tell her. She placed a hand gently on his forearm as she asked, “Why what, Kaidan?”

“Why I acted without your order to do so,” he said as he turned back to her slowly. “I put Jack in cryo. She is too unstable, too selfish, to childish to let run around, especially at a time like this. I talked to her. She really doesn’t care about anyone but herself. I don’t think she understands how. I wish there had been a different way. I got in touch with Liara with some help from Dr. Chakwas. She’ll be moved to a secure location until the day we can devote resources to help her properly.”

Shepard studied him carefully. “That’s not all is it?”

“She hurt you and she would do it again in a heartbeat. I did it both because of the Reaper threat and because of you. So I’ll accept whatever punishment you choose because I acted without orders.”

She looked at him closely. “You did what you thought was best for the ship and the mission. Your personal reasons just so happened to coincide with them. The resolution is regrettable but understandable. I will not be acting against you in an official capacity, especially since you are a Specter.”

He looked at her with surprise. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” she said simply as she turned back her sandwich, relief silently washing over her. All her worrying had been for nothing.

Alenko leaned forward and looked at her. “You said ‘officially’.”

  
“Yep,” she replied in between bites.

“So unofficially I’m in trouble,”

“Yep.”

“You won’t do anything because we’re both Specters.”

“Yep.”

“Can you say anything besides ‘yep’?”

“Yep.”

“You can be a very annoying woman.”

“Yep.”

“Shepard!”

“Yep.”

He let out a groan of frustration as he got up to leave. “I’m going to sleep.”

He headed towards the sleeper pod he had been using since his arrival onboard the _Normandy_. Kayla finished her sandwich about the same time and trotted after him. When he reached his pod, he looked at her and asked, “What are you doing?”

Shepard shrugged as she placed a hand firmly on the pod door. He looked at her hand blocking his way as he said, “You’re in my way.”

She shook her head as she pulled at his arm. “Wrong.”

“Wrong what?”

“Bed.”

“Well, where am I supposed to sleep then?”

“Cabin.”

“There aren’t any available.”

“Mine.”

“What? You’re joking.”

“Serious.”

“Can you say more than one word at a time?”

“Maybe.”

“Damn stubborn woman.”

“Yep.”

“Shepard!!!”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

As the elevator closed behind them, Kaidan grabbed her by the waist and pinned her to the wall. “I bet I can make you say more than one word.”

“Already did.”

“Did not.”

“ _Love you…”_

“Oh, well, how about one word really loud.”

“What word?”

He smiled wickedly. “ _Kaidan_.”

“Hmmm, maybe…”

“It’s only 0415 hours. We have time before we have to report for duty.”

“Do you really want this? You don’t need more time…”

“We’ve already lost over 2 years. I don’t want to lose any more time with you.”

“Kaidan…”

“I thought I could get you to say my name a little louder actually.”

“You are a bad, bad man.”

“You would know.”

“I guess I would.”

The elevator doors opened to reveal the small room leading to the captain’s cabin. Kaidan still had his hands on her hips as he pulled her out of the car. Walking backwards he guided her to the door of the cabin as Kayla grinned at him coyly. “You are a very interesting man, Alenko. Most people do these things facing forward.”

“I’m not most men,” he said as he blew into her ear. The door to her quarters opened as he continued to pull at her.

“No. No you’re not, but, Kaidan, I know you want more…Are you sure you won’t regret it?”

“Why would I regret being with you again? I love you.”

“I’m not the same…And we haven’t worked through everything…”

“I’m not the same. No one would be after what we’ve been through. Besides, I always thought of us as a work in progress. We’ll just have to get to know one another again.”

She looked at him uncertainly as he kissed her forehead tenderly. “No more regrets. We make our own future now. I’m here…with you. Deal with it.”

Shepard finally smiled at him as she felt her doubts vanish. “This means something to me, and I don’t ever do anything without it meaning something to me. And you have always meant the most to me. You know that right?”

Unsure of her voice, she simply nodded her head as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “I think that’s the most I’ve ever said in a conversation between us.”

“I don’t know,” she said with a mischievous grin as she inclined her head towards his and blew into his ear. He shivered as she added, “You did do an awful lot of talking the night before Ilos.”

“Hey, I just wanted you to know where I stood with things…”

“I think less standing and more laying would be good right now,” she suggested suggestively.

“And you said I was bad,” he replied as he quickly moved them over to her bed, the covers still in disarray from their naps earlier in the night.

“Ah, but most people don’t know how bad you can be. So really that’s an advantage for you,” she observed as he laid her down on the mattress.

“But that’s not the case here…” he said as he began crawling across the bed to lean over her.

“You can try…”

“Is that a challenge, Cmdr. Shepard?”

She only grinned at him daringly. He took that as his answer and replied, “Then I accept.”

Before she could reply, he claimed her mouth in a fierce kiss that took her breath away. Kaidan crushed his lips to hers as he held her hands gently but firmly above her head. She protested slightly at his sudden action but quickly gave into his passion as she parted her lips to his beckoning tongue. As he continued his assault on her mouth, his hands began to slide ever so lightly down her arms to her ribs. She wiggled underneath his touch and brushed her leg against his pants. There she felt just how hard the Staff Cmdr. was as she wondered for only a moment if what was happening was another dream.

As Kaidan growled her name she knew it was as real as it was ever going to get. He began trailing kisses down her neck to her shoulder. She tilted her head to allow him more access as she let her hands roam over his muscular stomach. She tugged on the fabric of his shirt as he quickly shed the unwanted article of clothing. His olive skin shown with a blue hue from the aquarium as he nipped at her sensitive skin. His own hands traveled up and down her ribs making her arch her back involuntarily. Kaidan grinned against her skin as she wiggled under him again.

“Kai…dan,” she moaned as his hand suddenly plunged under the waistband of her uniform. His hand found her underwear and slowly moved them aside. His fingers hovered over her most intimate area as he felt how hot and wet she was. Even 2 years later, she still reacted the same way to him.

“I think I can get you to say it louder…”

Alenko slipped one finger and then then another into her wet folds. She whimpered as he began pumping the digits in and out. The noises she made only encouraged him to increase the speed. He felt her finger nails rake against his bare back and then dig into his skin. Even though he was sure she was drawing blood, he began using his free hand to explore under her shirt. Pulling the bra down, he teased one of her nipples as he kissed her hard.

Shepard wrapped her legs around him as she felt wave after wave of pleasure overcome her. She called his name again as she climaxed much to Kaidan’s satisfaction. If he could do that with just two fingers he wondered what he could do with other things…

As Shepard came down from her high, he smiled at her. Deciding quickly, he pulling the shirt over her head as she opened her eyes to look at him. Still grinning at her, he began kissing her again, pulling her hair from its bun so that it flowed freely to her shoulders. It had grown longer since Horizon and was still much longer than it had been three years ago. Back on the SR-1 it had barely grazed her shoulders. But Kaidan found that he liked the new length; it suited her somehow.

Continuing his explorations, Shepard moaned lightly as Kaidan’s fingertips grazed her bare stomach. She leaned forward to nip his ear, making him groan deeply and push his body farther onto hers. His biotics flickered briefly as he teased her breasts, making her want him that much more.

She breathed in his scent as she went forward to nip at his ear. The sentinel inhaled sharply. She smirked as she trailed kisses down his chest. He breathed, trying to remain composed as he felt his belt unbuckle. Kaidan looked down to see her unzipping his pants with one hand while the other racked finger nails across his bare chest. Again he shivered. She still knew how to drive him wild too it seemed.

The second human Specter quickly discarded his pants, throwing them toward the fish tank. Shepard grinned as he buried his face in valley between her breasts. Nipping at the exposed flesh, he pushed his hardened member into her stomach. She moaned as her hands suddenly moved to her own pants and discarded them just as quickly as he had his own pair. Only in their underwear, Kaidan growled, “I need you, Kayla. _All_ of you.”

She looked up at his serious expression as she ran a hand through his short dark hair. Trying to hold back a tear that threatened to fall, she said softly, “I’m here…for you. I don’t want to be anywhere else, ever.”

The control he had been exerting dissolved as the Staff Commander redirected his hands to the skin of the first human Specter, cupping her backside, pressing himself insistently against her own growing wetness. Capturing her lips in a long kiss, they worked against each other's mouths, tongues twining together, tasting one another. She pulled back to catch her breath and to make sure he really wanted to be with her. Quick, easy kisses peppered over her face as hands kneaded their way up Kayla’s back gave her the answer. Arching her back against his chest and into the support of his hands, the cool air of the cabin sent gooseflesh across her breasts. With his teeth he pulled down her bra to expose them and then quickly brought his lips to one after the other.

Threading her hands through his hair as he suckled, she breathed raggedly, pressing him farther into her. His lips and hands on her, his legs still trapped between hers, every place where their skin touched felt hot; the past anger between them no longer even a thought in her hazy mind.

Probing the growing slickness between her legs, he pressed a finger just barely into her, circling her sensitive opening until she stopped him with a hand wrapped around his manhood and a breathy whisper.

"Kaidan, please."

He paused for just a moment at her words and then quickly pulled off their remaining clothes. Drawing her towards him, he encouraged her to kiss his neck and shoulders. He hitched one smooth leg up and around his waist while keeping her other on the mattress. Kaidan quickly positioned himself over her as he entered her without delay. An exhilarating moan escaped her lips as he sunk easily into her. As his free hand caressed a breast, he was pleased to see her skin was flushed and warm to the touch.

Holding her to him with a strong hand, he made love to her slowly, thoroughly enjoying every languid plunge. Watching her face illuminated by the oversized fish tank; her soft, strong body beneath him; chest heaving each time he entered her, Kaidan could only wonder at how beautiful and brilliant she was... and how fortunate a man he was to have such a thing in his life, to have her back. Each time he lost himself within her it was like the first.

There was no doubt, even with all his insecurities, that she was something he could not live without. Over two years alone had taught him that. There wasn't anyone or anything that could keep him from her.

Letting her eyes slip closed, she felt nothing but him; just the satisfying hardness inside her and the slight roughness of his hands probing her flesh. Trailing her own hand down to his on her hip, she peeled it reluctantly off her skin and laced their fingers together. Touching her chin with a finger, he drew her eyes, holding her gaze as he kept a smooth, confident rhythm.

Impossibly slick, the friction between her legs diminished each time she took him inside her, and it was not very long before she found that it just wasn't enough. Moving an arm to lean on her elbow, Kayla pushed against the mattress to brace and bear down on his movements.

Meeting with delightful resistance, Alenko groaned, entering his love deeper than before. Taking a page from her book, he braced himself better against the headboard. Taking great pleasure in the way her breasts heaved atop her chest as he snapped his hips, a grin played on his mouth.

Eyelids fluttering, lip caught between her teeth, pink racing across her chest, that familiar look of delightful desperation crossed her face.

He'd seen it plenty of times before the destruction of the SR-1, and always responded promptly. Maybe it was the old Lt. in him, but he never could deny her.

Loosening his hand from hers, he quickly slipped two fingers in alongside his aching length while he thrust, and she moaned, the pressure and added tightness driving her further to the edge, soaking his hand. Swiping the pad of his thumb over his shaft, Kaidan flicked it wickedly over and through her folds; sweetly attending to her swollen lips and aching bud.

Working relentlessly against her, the marine assaulted her with practiced dexterity. Personalized tutelage in the ways of Lt. Cmdr. Kayla Shepard's pleasure allowed him to become a master at multitasking; often needing his hands, lips, tongue and _other_ parts to work in concert with one another. Even with all the time they had lost, it still came naturally to him.

Other times, she put her own special skills to work, making him growl and pant with need... but tonight this would be his apology for Horizon and his own stubborn pride.

From the subtle twisting of her body to the charged silence of the room, Kaidan doubled his efforts, adding a few nibbles of her smooth calf, sensing her release was not far off.

Bucking unevenly against him, she suddenly stopped dead for a moment, only to arch off the bed, like a tightly strung bow, seconds later. Gripping the sheets beneath her, she opened her mouth to cry out. Not wanting to chance the lower decks hearing, Kaidan leaned forward to catch her lips to swallow that passionate cry he knew was coming.

“ _KAIDAN_!” she screamed into his mouth. Closing his eyes against the onslaught of her pulsating center that drained his poor over-sensitized member, he let go as well, pushing into her one final time with a muted groan into her mouth.

Curling over her, both with heaving chests, he nuzzled her breasts as she feathered her fingers through his hair. The musky smell of exertion and arousal made him smile contentedly against her skin. But Shepard, sweat slicked and exhausted, shivered beneath him. Wrapping her quickly in the discarded blankets from earlier, the L2 biotic spooned up behind her.

Before too long her breathing became even and deep. He pressed a kiss against the top of her head as she snuggled further into his arms. He broke the silence as he asked uncertainly, “You are okay with this right? I didn’t force you to do that—"

“When was the last time anyone forced me to do anything?” she asked and then held up her hand as she amended, “Barring intergalactic crisis.”

Kaidan closed his mouth as he considered what she said. Nuzzling her shoulder with his nose, he said instead, “Can’t recall, really.”

“Exactly. I wanted you. I needed you. I love you,” she said as she pulled his arms tighter around her.

He let out a contented sigh as she said, “You are really adorable sometimes.”

“Let’s not let that get around. I have a reputation to protect,” he said sleepily.

“What? That you’re a gentleman and shy when any one mentions sex?” she teased as he nipped her neck in response.

“You wouldn’t have me any other way, Kayla,” he replied. “But I did get you to say my name louder…Now go to sleep.”

“Yes, sir. Cmdr. sir,” she said.

“And don’t you forget it,” he replied with a grin as he kissed her shoulder.

Sleep soon claimed them as the SR-2 felt a little bit more like home to both Specters. That was one reality they both could embrace.


End file.
